An unbalanced life: Brought to you by ... your mind

Rachel Devries, Guest Columnist

Money in. Money out. An unbalanced bank account. We’re used to it, we recognize it, we understand it, we expect it. But what happens when your life is out of balance? Do you recognize that? Expect it? Know how to deal with it?

Each of us is constantly striving for balance. The time and energy we give, we expect to get back in comparable rewards; that is how we create a foundation for our lives. Yet, changes, accidents, injuries and unpredicted events can leave us standing on uneven ground. By examining the individual bricks under our feet — family, community, work, health, friends, finances — we can identify true value, determining how much satisfaction and stress each provides.

Only through self-assessment can we recognize what is causing balance and unbalance in our lives and start to work on the stressors that cause us to fall. Dale Carnegie, in his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,” wrote, “Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth and refuse to give it more.” When we are anxious about a situation, our thoughts are consumed by our anxiety. This causes us to be irritable, irrational, and often, irresponsible.

To put this anxiety into perspective, we must determine how much control we personally have over a situation. If we dwell on situations that are outside our control, we are wasting our power. Instead, let’s focus on using our time and energy on influencing the outcome of what we can control. For example, we can’t change our neighbor’s annoying personality. What we can change is our attitude toward our neighbor; we are in control of own reactions.

Psychologist, Dr. Albert Ellis, said, “Reality is not so much what happens to us; rather, it is how we think about those events that creates the reality we experience. In a very real sense, this means that we each create the reality in which we live.” A man with a glass half-full can be upset he only has a half-full glass, or he could be ecstatic that he has access to clean drinking water. You have the power to determine your reality – you choose whether your truth is positive or negative.

Dale Carnegie used this idea to learn the key to living a happy life: “Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” Take actions to improve areas of your life that need improvement and recognize when it is your mindset — and not your career, your social life, your health or even your finances — that needs to change.

Change your perspective → Change your life!

Answer the questions below for a personal assessment of your life’s balance (sample answers provided).

What is a specific stressor for you right now?

I am nervous my flight will get delayed and I’ll miss my cousin’s wedding.

Can you control this situation?

Maybe.

If yes, what actions are you going to take to control the situation?

I will book an earlier flight.

If no, what actions are you going to take to alleviate your stress?

I am going to decide just how much anxiety this is worth and refuse to give it more. If I miss the rehearsal dinner, I will be disappointed, but the most important part of the weekend is the actual wedding, which isn’t until the next day. Therefore, I don’t need to stress about this situation very much.

What benefit will you experience when that stress is alleviated personally? Professionally?

I am often grumpy with my employees when I’m stressed; I won’t do that now that I realized my flight taking off on time is not in my control and that is okay.

When will you begin making a change to your attitude?

Today. Right now.

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” — Dale Carnegie