Counselor's Corner: The search for love in a pandemic

Everyone desires to be loved. This desire for love is built into our system. Pets also desire love. We want someone to care about us. When we feel this care from others we want to reciprocate and bring love to others. Go through your day and observe what you feel when someone is kind to you. What do you experience when someone reaches out to you with a loving word or a gentle affirmation or a caring glance? Pets give us such examples of love. They will love their owners unconditionally and continually seek to have a gentle touch, a kind word, and another treat. When our little dog Daisy looks at us with those loving brown eyes, all she wants is to feel loved. It is what everyone wants.

Life is all about love and kindness and we can easily forget this. In these days of self-imposed retreat because of the coronavirus, I am inspired by the care and sensitivity we all have toward each other even though we are encouraged to remain in a social isolation. Hugs and handshakes are out. But smiles and kind words are in. We must avoid large groups but thanks to social technology we can call, text and email each other.

There is a common bond that we all feel and a greater sensitivity to others. We don’t want to do anything to get sick or cause others to get sick, so we become more aware of washing our hands often, using disinfectant, and keeping our breathing and coughs to ourselves. There is a realization that we are all vulnerable right now. We need to be loving and kind to reduce our vulnerability and the vulnerability of others.

I think this vulnerability to the coronavirus makes us all realize how fragile we all are and how we need one another to be caring and compassionate. The purpose of life is to be loving and kind because when this happens, we do good things. The world cannot be saved from pandemics if each person becomes selfish and self-absorbed. But when we all work together in trust and cooperation and in compassion and care, we become strong and powerful to combat any disease and any self-absorption.

Right now, we are realizing that criticizing and blaming helps no one, but caring and reaching out respectfully to others creates an atmosphere of healing. We are all challenged right now to be loving and kind. We may cancel trips to help others. Schools are closed out of love for others. Public gatherings are closed. Sporting events are closed. All of this is done because we respect one another and want to help each other counteract a virus that can negatively affect millions. It is an amazing paradox that social isolation becomes an act of love for others.

We are all travelers together on this planet. At this point we can realize that our stay on this planet is quite short, so it is best to make sure we understand what love is all about.

The corona virus challenges all of us to look deeper at our lives. What is the purpose of my life? What is my belief system? I think when we all realize that we hunger for love and that love is really all around us, we begin to understand God and realize that we are all destined to live forever in love.

This pandemic may force all of us to go on an extended retreat where we can look deeper into ourselves because there is no sense of rushing anywhere right now. This slowing down will help us understand the meaning of life. It will help us understand the meaning of love. And I think it will nudge all of us to have an experience of God.

Right now we are realizing that we are so vulnerable and we all need one another. But it is so easy to forget this. Embracing what is before us brings us into a positive experience of life. The world works together right now to create an atmosphere of healing by not feeding the disease. This is so true in all aspects of life. Love of others is the greatest help to healing and the greatest attitude to live a joyful and meaningful life.

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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.




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