Counselor's Corner: Only love brings peace


No one has to change for a person to experience happiness. You do not have to think the way I do for me to have happiness or peace. But I must love you if I am going to experience inner peace.

Have you ever found yourself emotionally invested in how you think someone else should be? Today on social media so many opinions are expressed in very judgmental ways about how other people should think and act. Each of us can easily waste time pondering how frustrating other people are in their political attitudes, social attitudes and spiritual attitudes. We can easily waste time worrying about others when we have no control over others.

Conversations about how you should be, in my viewpoint, might make a lively discussion but it only creates a negative attitude within myself. Probably everyone has friends and relatives who see life differently from how we do.

No one in life has to change for me to be happy. The only change that needs to be made is for me to be more loving and kind toward you. Investing in resentments and judgments toward other people is a waste of time. Inner peace can only come from being more loving. In this attitude of loving you, I will experience something profound. This decision to be loving toward you in thoughts and actions turns me full force into the presence of a loving God. Letting go of thinking how you should be different or how wrong you are in your attitudes will give me an inner freedom and a humble receptivity toward God.

As I observe my inner self more, as the years pass by, I become more aware of how often I can invest in negative thinking throughout the day. Sometimes it seems that life consists of winners and losers, those who are right and those who are wrong. Investment in these attitudes are not helpful. But an investment in loving you, and an investment in a realization that God genuinely loves everyone, gives me an inner sense of freedom.

I wish television would invest in a channel that would only talk about goodness and positive things. It could be called the Good News channel. Everyone on this channel would only show stories of positive and loving actions and attitudes. I wonder if a Good News television channel would be a tremendous success. Right now, “Good News” on television is quite minimal. Bad News seems to be more popular.

So, in my life l will work on having only a Good News channel in my head. Whatever and whoever come my way, I will embrace with a positive, loving attitude.

Have you ever noticed how positively most people seem to respond to little children and also to their pets? It is like a kindness and gentleness just pours out of people. As I walk our little dog, Daisy, around our neighborhood, people will smile and say kind words as Daisy greets everyone with a bark. I apologize for the bark, saying that it is her way of saying hello, which it is. Because Daisy is a very cute and small dog, no one seems frightened and so many people reach out to her in a kind and smiling manner.

Love creates an atmosphere of gentleness both for the recipient and for the giver. I feel such inner freedom throughout the day when I let go of negativity and when I let go of my idea of how you should change. I have a relative on Facebook who is always so affirming toward everyone. Her short and loving posts are always filled with kind words. It is inspiring and refreshing to get a message from her. She seems to never be out to change the world but only to love the world and everyone in it.

Inner peace and joy can be easily experienced if I do three things well. The first is to consciously withdraw from negative thinking and words towards others. The second is to take daily quiet time for restful meditation. The third is to stay in the present moment. These three actions push me in the direction of being more loving, more positive and more reflective. Each moment becomes meaningful and positive because I am giving love and experiencing love in each moment.

I realize that my articles seem to repeat the same thing quite often. It is because life is really quite simple when I remain positive and reflective. I just need to be creative in describing to myself and to others how to be more loving, more positive and more reflective.

Have a great two weeks and see how you can be more loving toward others. It will bring you inner peace and joy.


Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: and his website is


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