COUNSELOR'S CORNER: Remembering and learning

By Fred Cavaiani Each year Memorial Day brings us back to our own personal histories. Each of us has a relative or friend who has served in the Armed Forces during a War. I grew up listening to the war stories of my father who served in the Navy and my Uncle who served in the Army during WWII. In grade school I listened to and was inspired by stories about the Korean War from soldiers who came to speak at my grade school. Many years later I had the privilege of working with Vietnam Veterans in the early seventies. This last weekend of May each year we remember those who died bravely serving our country. We remember also those who serve our country in the various branches of the Armed Forces. What has impressed me over the years is that these men and women seemed to always speak reverently and respectfully about the country they served so faithfully. As a child listening to my father and my uncle talk about their experiences in the war, I never heard them complain even once about serving their country. Listening to the many veterans returning from the war when I was a child in Iron Mountain, Michigan, gathering at my father's and uncle's "Cavi's Supper Club," sitting at the bar reminiscing about their years in WWII, I would hear stories about bravery, humor, good times, rough times, but never a complaint about what had happened to them. I remember a man who had lost both legs, sitting there with wooden legs. He had been run over by a tank. "Moose" Toretti never complained. He would smile gently, share in the discussions and just be a happy guy with everyone else who shared their stories. These men and women possessed something that is good for all of us. It is the ability to embrace life with courage and acceptance. They just kept going forward. Courage without complaint was present in each person. Each Memorial Day my mind is flooded with memories of these brave men and women who lived with courage without complaint. It is like they knew something about how to live a correct and courageous life. Going backwards was not an option. Going forward was a consistent and ever present choice. I think the greatest legacy left to us by the brave men and women of our Armed Force is this consistent and ever present choice of facing adversity and embracing it with open minds and hearts. What a lesson about life they have given us! This lesson about life is based upon two things: basic training and consistent caring. Each member of these various branches of service must first undergo two primary foundations: a basic training that is rigorous and consistent in mind and body and a dedication to their fellow comrades that is a necessary part of their service. What a powerful lesson about how to live a good life. The uniforms that our members of the Armed Forces wear are a symbol and reminder to all of us of the two qualities we all need to live a complete life: total dedication to be our best and total dedication to the welfare of one another. The next time you see someone in uniform, bow in reverence. ---------- Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com. Published: Wed, May 29, 2013