Hon. Robert J. Lunn
The Daily Record Newswire
I always have the most fun on the Fourth of July. You don’t have to exchange any gifts. You just go to the beach and watch fireworks. It’s always fun.
— James Lafferty
My last column was about the new and not-so-improved TSA. This week’s should be interpreted as a PSA (public service announcement).
The PSA can trace its historical roots back to the World War II-era and through the 1980s; the messages were required to be aired for free by broadcast stations as part of their obligation to act in the interest of the public trust. That “free stuff” all ended in the ‘80s during the era of “trickle-down” economics — lower interest rates, and deregulation — and of course Jane Fonda workout tapes, camcorders, minivans and the television prime time soaps, “Dallas” and “Dynasty.”
The most common topics of PSAs were and continue to be about health and safety. A typical PSA is part of a public awareness campaign to inform or educate the public about an important issue of the day.
The Advertising Council now serves as the facilitating agency and clearing house for nationwide campaigns, which often became a familiar part of daily life.
Smokey Bear was invented by the Ad Council to personify its “Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires” campaign. The American Cancer Society’s “Fight Cancer with a Checkup and a Check” raised public awareness as well as funds for research and patient services. “This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs,” gave a big boost to the anti-drug campaign, not to mention the egg industry and short-order cooks.
Well, this PSA is a tribute to the days of yesteryear and is offered to all of my male readers free of charge. Yes, it is directed primarily at men — simply because we need it. So wake up!
Today is Dec. 16, which means there are only 9 more days until Christmas or whatever holiday you choose to celebrate during this holiday season. I am going to share with you some wisdom gleaned over the years to get you through this stressful period.
Rule number one:
If your significant other has been expressing thoughts recently in words or substance such as “Honey, sweetie, I don’t need or actually want anything this year,” or, “You are all I need and you have given me so much the past twelve months, why don’t we simply exchange cards and enjoy the spirit of the season?”
Do not fall for this! I will repeat for those who are presently engaged in speed reading or simply permitting those words to relieve their gift shopping anxiety: DO NOT FALL FOR THIS!
You will find yourself on the big day unwrapping a present from your loved one while she anxiously searches for the non-existent gift you chose to forego. It doesn’t matter one iota what she might have said earlier. She didn’t mean it and you, you dummy, should have been smart enough to figure that out.
And when she now opens that very thoughtful gift and exclaims: “Oh you shouldn’t have! You know what we promised each other,” you can think — to yourself of course —“Yes, I should have, because now I will have a place to sleep and eat tonight.”
Rule number two:
Buy nothing with a cord! This has served me well over the past 30 years and it will work for you, too. It leaves you wide open to a variety of choices such as jewelry, clothes, cosmetics or get-away weekends and spas. It appropriately steers you clear of potentially disastrous gifts found only at Lowes, Home Depot or Sears.
Bookstores are good but only if you reveal your sensitive side with selections dealing with art, poetry, romance novels or perhaps cookbooks — but be careful here as it has the very real potential for being misinterpreted as a comment on her cooking skills. This would likewise apply to exercise books and equipment.
Now, I do have to issue one caveat — this rule is subject to a slight modification based upon my recent experience. There are certain electronics which are pretty cool and can earn you a temporary exemption. You can think of it as a “get out of jail free” card. I bought my wife, Paula, a Nook last month. This electronic book with downloadable capacity has been a huge hit with her. It was a risk but it seems to have paid off.
Rule number three:
Timing! It’s such a tired cliche, but in this case it’s true. With so little time left, drop everything. Drop everything right now and step away from your desk. Cancel those afternoon appointments and hit the road or even better, the computer keyboard.
If you wait until any date this month beginning with the number two you are so beyond repair and rehabilitation. You are cooked. You are finished. The reason is simple: In the unlikely event you manage to hold onto the receipt and not lose it and your loved one needs to make a return or exchange she will immediately know that you waited until the absolute last minute to execute the purchase strategy demonstrating a total lack of caring and effort.
And should you try to hide the receipts, let me remind you that they have an annoying way of showing up in the crevices of your vehicle at the absolutely wrong time. And as a footnote, you are totally finished should it show a date of Dec. 24.
There you go. Consider yourself warned and act accordingly: From TSAs to PSAs. Where else can you find such timely advice?
The Hon. Robert J. Lunn served for 14 years (1995 to 2008) on the New York State Supreme Court, his last three as an associate justice of the Appellate Division of the Second and Fourth Departments. He is a partner at Trevett, Cristo, Salzer and Andolina. He can be reached at rlunn@ Trevettlaw.com.
