Spencer Farris, The Levison Group
It has been a busy week in the Levison Towers. Spring means thermostat ping pong, and Phil, the maintenance super, has had his hands full trying to keep the temperatures in line. The secretaries who get in to the building early turn on the heat, and the partners in suits show up later to turn on the air conditioning.
This year, I have noticed both groups complaining about evenly. I asked Phil about it.
"I just disconnected the thermostat. The dial still works, but it doesn't do anything. Saves me and the equipment a lot of work." And so it goes.
It has been a busy week for me as well, as I had a landmark event. No Gentle Reader, you didn't forget my birthday. But this week I got a visit from Middle Aged Lawyer Guy, and he used his super-average powers to change me.
I haven't seen the super-average hero in a while. After I turned 50, he kind of ignored me for a bit. Maybe he thought the shock of the fifth decade was enough for me to handle. Last week though, he showed up during a mediation and I had to stop the event for a few moments - while I ran down to my car to get my reading glasses.
Recently, one of the history channels explained how the invention of reading glasses hastened the invention of the printing press and higher learning. Or vice versa. Either way, I know that glasses are a good thing in my head. But on my face, they remind me of yet another flaw in my physique. And that I am older.
Up until now, reading glasses have been a late night only thing, or when my eyes are tired. But there I was, in the middle of a conference room in the middle of the day, having a hard time reading my iPad. By the time I got the text big enough to see, it looked like a spell book from Hogwarts. I ran for the corrective lenses.
Getting the glasses for computers and iPads is more of a whine than an actual age-related complaint. After all, getting older as a lawyer has had plenty of bonuses. I need less time to prepare for routine depositions and motions. Grey hair gives me more credibility with juries than the original color - I think it was brown - did. I know more judges from before they were judges, and my old foes have either become friends or died.
Middle Aged Lawyer Guy's tastes have matured. He owns shoes that aren't black. He rarely shows up in a faded t-shirt, favoring suits now. In fact, I feel more comfortable in a suit and tie than out of one. I can tie a tie without a mirror, and it will tilt to the left regardless of how hard my wife tries to straighten it. I eat different things than I did as a kid, too - I can't remember the last time I gobbled glue. Or a booger. It is a cruel twist of fate that Middle Aged Lawyer Guy can almost metabolize air and gain weight. Not that I stop at air for dinner of course.
In any event, I was now in mediation looking over the tops of my reading glasses like an angry librarian - perhaps this is why they were always so stern. It took a while to get used to taking them off when I was not reading, and back on again when I needed help. The mediator, who is still senior to me, didn't notice, or at least pretended not to. It must be part of the code of the old that we nod and smile without commenting when another joins the ranks.
When I was young and hip, I wore a string around my neck with sunglasses on it. I am going to have to look through the storage boxes for those strings now to hang my readers. If I can find a pair of glasses to help me look through the boxes, that is.
Under Analysis is a nationally syndicated column of the Levison Group. Spencer Farris is the founding partner of The S.E. Farris Law Firm in St Louis, Missouri. He never ate glue or boogers. Comments or criticisms about this column may be sent c/o this newspaper or directly to the Levison Group via email at farris@farrislaw.net.
© 2015 Under Analysis L.L.C.
Published: Fri, May 15, 2015
