Counselor's Corner: Make the world a better place


Fred Cavaiani

Another school shooting. So painful. We all feel so helpless.

Many give quick solutions to this painful experience which happens so often in our country. We want to blame something or somebody. Of course, no one seems to want to try all the solutions at the same time because that might work. Gun control certainly could be helpful. Allowing prayer and a concern for the spiritual in public schools could be helpful. Having more counselors in every school with proper training could be helpful. Funding public schools more properly could help. Having mental health lectures and discovering and confronting all aspect of bullying could be helpful. Having more control over what video games our kids watch and play could be helpful. Confronting the violence our children are exposed to on television and on technical devices could be helpful. Having more compulsory education on proper parenting for parents of children in school could be helpful.

There are so many ways we can make the world a better and safer place for our children and for ourselves.

But I think the real question is how do we bring love and peace into the world? How do we bring love and peace into a family? How do we bring love and peace into a culture?

The inspiring sermon by the Episcopal bishop at the Royal Wedding last week mentioned the power of love. If we ever realized this power we could create something so great and powerful that would change the world, just like the power of fire, when discovered, changed the world.

Love overcomes. Love disarms people. Martin Luther King Jr. became the champion for civil rights because his attitude of the power of love overcame hatred and prejudice. Laws were changed because the example of love in the midst of persecution and bigotry became most important to discover than to remain in a very prejudiced society.

We will never have utopia on this earth. But we will always have the power of love. No matter what happens to me, I can continue to bring love to others. To become encased in anger, criticism and resentments towards those who see things differently than us causes us all to remain in a prison of hatred and resentments. I know that I want to find an enemy for what happened in that school shooting in Texas. But my anger and my search for someone or something to put my anger upon, helps no one. If I put more love into my own family, into my own friends, and into everyone I meet this day, I can send out a spiritual and loving fire of love into the world. It will be an energy that keeps going. A positive attitude that can give hope and joy to all I meet this day.

Many people can be disappointing and say hurtful things. If I join this group I only increase the tension in the world. I may disagree with how you have voted and how you view things politically. But if I hold this against you, I become part of the problem and avoid any solution.

The times in my life that I have fought others with anger and resentment has never helped anyone. The times when I have loved and cared for others even when they said things that may have hurt me, I found myself feeling better and staying connected even though we may have been far apart in our viewpoints.

When I have to convince others of the power of my viewpoint and condemn others for not sharing the same spiritual viewpoint as me or not sharing the same political viewpoint as me, I create more tension in the world.

What the world needs most is peacemakers and great lovers of promoting kindness and compassion. How do you promote this in your life?

I am convinced that everyone is loved by God. Everyone! Not everyone is going let themselves experience the love of God because to do this demands our hearts become open. However, this doesn’t stop God, whoever God is for you, from still loving us. The biggest problem in this world is that we all at times stop loving. It creates misery for ourselves and for the world.

My big resolution each day is to continue loving everyone at every moment. I will love my wife, each of my children and grandchildren, my siblings, every friend, and everyone I meet this day. When this becomes my sole purpose in life, it is amazing how the people around me seem to change for the better.

This is why I need time each day for prayer and meditation and be nurtured by a loving God who will give me the strength and wisdom to keep loving.

Love is how we make the world a better place. Little concrete acts of love each day will put forth a positive energy into our family, our town, our state, our nation and our world. It sounds simple and easy but we so often complicate it by our rationalizations and intellectualizations and our need to blame others. So, I think I will just keep loving this day. It certainly will put me in a better mood. Hopefully it might help your mood also.


Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: and his website is