Two days ago, we celebrated Mother’s Day. For our family, it was a virtual celebration on Zoom. This may have happened to many other families. It was good to see everyone but I certainly missed all of us being physically together for a family dinner. This being “sheltered in” is weary. It may be a necessity right now but it is tiring.
Yet I realized something on Mother’s Day as I was listening to an inspiring talk. The speaker talked about the goodness of all mothers and I started reflecting on the Love of Mothers. Over the years I have observed how my wife so carefully listens to our adult children and their spouses. Each grandchild knows that they can talk with Grandma and she will carefully listen to the details of their life. Reflecting on this, I began to think about my childhood which had a lot of pain in it. But I then focused on the fact that in spite of the limitations of my own mother and father, I always felt loved by them. I recalled my two grandmothers, one Italian, the other French, and how they were always there for me whenever I was in their presence.
Suddenly I was filled with looking at all the love that has come toward me in my life and I began to forget and let go of the pain I had suffered because of the limitations of those around me. It was like a light came on. I can put on new glasses: the glasses of seeing love and goodness in my past and the glasses of seeing love and goodness in the present moment.
So often it seems natural to look at life and at people in a negative manner. Life could be better. People should be the way I think they should be. When I do this, I will not see goodness and love. I will then wear the glasses of negativity and misery.
When I look for love in my life, I will experience this love everywhere. Even in people who seem unloving, I will find love in them. As I became more absorbed in this consoling insight, I began to realize that I had been carefully listening to that talk on Sunday. I then realized how carefully my wife listens to our two daughters, son, and son-in-law, daughter-in-law and six grandchildren. When I am quiet and listen to others and when I am quiet and listen to God, love fills me. I can then wear the glasses of love which help me to see love everywhere.
This sounds simple but it really works. Spending daily time in prayer and meditation and quietly sitting with God keeps me calm and peaceful and helps me to let go of all negativity and resentments. When I patiently and quietly listen to other people, love can take over and put me in a positive and loving awareness. There is love everywhere. Quiet listening to God and gentle listening to others help me see and experience this love.
Life is really quite simple. After being “sheltered in” for two months, (my office is now ten steps away as I listen to people on the phone or on Zoom meetings), I have much more quiet time. There is no rush. Listening seems much easier because there are no distractions. I can realize more clearly how important being calm and being a good listener help me to realize the importance of finding God and finding love in everything and in everyone. Life is very clear and simple. Wear the glasses of love and see love and goodness everywhere.
The biggest problem in life is to complicate this. Negativity and resentments complicate life. Judging and condemning others wastes positive energy.
There will always be actions and words that will hurt people. People will continue to make mistakes and people will be hurt. Pandemics happen and people will die. But none of this should stop me from bringing love to everyone and finding and experiencing love everywhere. People do not have to change for me to be happy. But I must be always loving for me to be happy. I can now more clearly see all the love that was present in my life and all the love that is present in my life, in everything and everyone. I am going to keep my love glasses on!
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
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