Counselor's Corner: Freedom from tension

When you read this, the elections may be over but the results may not be clear. There is much tension in our country right now. As much as I would like to blame someone for this tension, it really doesn’t help me. The tension we can see on television doesn’t have to affect my inner peace. Once I realize what I can control and what I can’t control, I can journey through life without inner tension. Freedom from tension will result from this profound realization that what I cannot control should never control me with worry or concern. It is not necessary to invest my emotional and spiritual energy into what is outside my control.

Inner freedom will come to me when I can appreciate that there is a Divine Power beneath everything and within everyone. My purpose in life is to embrace the present moment and learn to be grateful for what I have and discover meaning in the present moment. No matter what is happening in the world, there is a Divine Power in each moment that will give me the strength and wisdom to find goodness and comfort by not worrying about how I think things should be. Inner peace results from accepting the realities of my life and understanding what I can control and what I can’t control in life. The book “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Viktor Frankl gives a wonderful example of how to find goodness even in the most adverse circumstances. Frankl was a holocaust survivor and saw mankind at its worst. Yet even in these “death camps” created by Hitler, people could find goodness by their compassion for others. Goodness in life will always be discovered when I look for it and when I bring goodness to the present situation. This is the theme of Viktor Frankl’s book written so many years ago.

Tension can possess us and imprison us when I put my energy into worrying about outcomes instead of putting my energy into the loving embrace and experience of the present moment and how I discover God and love in each moment of life. The definition of tension is “the state of being stretched or strained.” It can be physical or it can be “a mental or emotional strain, intense suppressed suspense, anxiety or excitement, or a strained relationship between individuals, groups, nations, etc.” In this day of election tension, it is easy to experience tension within us. But the tension is caused by our investment in things over which we have no control.  What I can control is how much love I bring into the world or how much condemnation and anger I bring into the world. The more I focus on bringing love to other people, the more calmness I will feel within myself. The more I condemn and judge others for their opinions and attitudes, the more I become part of the problems and tension in the world. So much of life is based on opinions rather than truth. Trump Followers and Biden Followers are filled with opinions, biases, condemnations and judgments. Each might have some element of truth but tensions result when I think you are wrong and I am right and I must condemn you in my mind and heart and I keep investing in this condemnation.

When whatever I do in life is first based on how much love I can find in what I am doing, I will start making better decisions and I will feel peaceful. Tension results when love is absent. It also will take hold of me when I demand that you must think the way I do.

I am always amazed at how political ads distort the truth about opposing candidates. And these opposing political television vignettes will follow each other when I might be watching a football game, a program, or whatever might be on television at the time. At one moment I see one ad condemning the other candidate. And the next minute I will see another commercial or ad condemning the opposing candidate. Neither have absolute truth and often each have only a very small element of what might possibly be true. Each advertisement is a gossiping about how bad the other candidate must be.

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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.




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