Fred Cavaiani
As I look over the years, I begin to appreciate what I have learned. The necessity to hurry fades away, appreciation of old friends gets deeper. The peace of quiet time with God becomes an absolute priority. Conversations with empathic people are more meaningful, and discussions about politics become irrelevant. The need to convince others of my way of thinking is not important. I can only heal what I can allow myself to feel. My emotional wounds when embraced lead me to an experience of God and an inner peace. Anger is a defense that prohibits me from feeling my emotional wounds. No one has to change for me to find happiness and peace.
Clinging to resentments and judgments about other people only make me miserable. Negative thinking and negative words put me in an emotional prison. Positive thinking and positive actions help me to become more open to God and more open to other people. Regretting the past is useless, and learning from the past is helpful.
Daily quiet time with God is profoundly helpful and it keeps me anchored. It keeps me grounded and it brings me into an inner awareness of a presence of the divine in everything and in everyone.
Everyone has an inner desire to be loved. People hunger for a loving relationship. But often, people cannot understand the importance of reaching out to others in a loving manner. The greatest failure in life is to be unloving toward others. Clinging to resentments will make me unhappy and miserable. Connecting to someone else by criticizing another person is not a good connection. Gossip and negative words and thinking create an inner disharmony within myself. But kindness and love toward everyone will push me into an inner harmony with myself and a deeper receptivity to God.
I can help bring goodness out of other people by loving them. Affirmation of others and loving others can disarm them and help them discover goodness within themselves.
People need someone loving to stand beside them. I need to do this in order to discover the better version of myself.
Everyone is emotionally wounded. I must be gentle with everyone and be gentle with myself.
Genuine healing results from a humble sharing of my wounds with another person and a humble receptivity to God.
When I am standing above others in condemnation and judgments, I am standing in the wrong place.
A kind and listening heart and focused attention to the person talking to me creates a healing bond.
When our children become adults, they need us to listen and not give advice unless it is asked for.
Everyone needs an empathic and caring friend.
I must not rush to the next moment. It is the present moment that will bring me peace and in this present moment, gently and slowly experienced, I will have an experience of God.
It helps if I appreciate the positive influences in my life. I need to cherish the memories of the positive people in my life and let go of the anger and frustrations of the negative people in my life. When I do this, I will then open up to the feelings inside of me that need to heal and I will also begin to appreciate how God has always been with me though I may not have always been paying attention. I am so grateful that I can now pay attention.
It is all right to lovingly say no when my no is based on something loving and positive toward myself and is avoiding something that will distract me from the best version of myself.
Whenever I become anxious, I must return to this present moment, embrace it and focus gently on it.
Inner freedom is the result of always being loving and always being receptively reflective with God.
It becomes important to take a good period of time of daily reflection with God.
It is very important to listen attentively to those I live with and those I meet on my daily journey through life.
It is not good to focus on how I should give advice to others. No one needs my advice unless they ask me for advice. I can share how I journey through life but it is not helpful to share with others how I think they should journey through life.
Each moment is a time to slow down and experience to the meaning of life: to experience God deeper and to bring more love into the world. Once I realize this, I make good decisions and my priorities in life become simple and clear and an oasis of peace becomes a daily experience.
Life is only about the present moment lived reflectively and gratefully. It is where God and I meet each other and I discover myself again and I can embrace my full self with an open heart and mind. I can then become filled with the love and peace of God.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
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