Fred Cavaiani
There are many definitions for love. Most people will agree to the common idea that love can mean a feeling of tenderness or passion toward someone else or something else. A higher form of love is the desire to bring goodness to another person or to treat someone else in a kind and giving manner.
The world right now needs people to be kind and tender toward each other and to treat each other in a kind and loving manner. The tensions of COVID. The difficulties in believing science. The struggle many people have in trusting government. The tensions in the Middle East and in so many different countries.
The life of people on this planet is so very short. When our own egos get big, we act in selfish and insensitive ways. We forget the purpose of life.
Happiness results only from the power of love. Human beings are made to love and be loved. Everyone desires to be loved and respected by others. I wished a good friend of mine a happy birthday yesterday. I have known him for 67 years. We were in high school, college and graduate school together, stood up at each other’s weddings, our wives are good friends with each other and in these senior years of life this friendship with him and his wife has meant so much. I told him yesterday: “Hi, Val. I hope you had a great birthday. Thanks for being a friend over so many years. You are such a good guy.”
His response back was: “Thanks Fred. And remember it goes both ways.” This short dialogue contained an awareness of 67 years of friendship. It helped me appreciate the goodness of care and compassion for other people and to be consistent in bringing goodness to others. My good friend and I see things different politically, but it has not interfered with our friendship and compassion for each other. We do not try and convince each other how to think or feel. We simply share compassion and care for each other.
That statement made in a song years ago: “What the world needs most is love, sweet love” contains so much depth.
It is only love that overcomes war. It is love that overcomes a COVID plague. Love means that I take the risk of trusting in the goodness of others even if I suffer from this. Love means that I am always looking for goodness in others. Love means that no matter how people treat me, I will always treat people in a loving and caring manner. Love means that I do not have to try and change others but I do have to bring care and compassion to others which creates the only compassionate climate for change.
Love means that I recognize in bringing love to others, which is bringing goodness and affirmation to others, I create an atmosphere of positive connection between us.
People who act lovingly toward others seem to have a positive connection with a loving God. They seem to understand that in a belief of God, there is no condemnation or punishment but only love.
Love is so simple. Be kind and caring and giving to all. But I can complicate it so much. I can get caught up in being self-centered and selfish. This never brings happiness or peace. The biggest struggle in everyone and in every country is to realize that when we become self-centered and selfish, we abandon love and then “all hell breaks loose.” All we have to do is look at history and this truth becomes so clear. Violence and war seem to be such superficial and temporary solutions. We can always justify war and violence but nothing really becomes solved. It seems to lead only to more resentments and another war in the future.
I am always amazed at the power of love. I have seen so many people healed by the power of love. In a study of history and reading the stories of so many loving people who have lived before me, I am amazed at the power that loving people have to make positive changes. And these kind and loving people were not out to try and change others but only to be loving and kind to others.
Think of all the people you know that love you and all the people that have been consistently kind to you. These are the people who have positively helped you in life. You know that they are always there for you regardless of what might happen. People like this have helped you to become in touch with the better version of yourself. If I can always be kind and loving to everyone, I will help the world get in touch with a better version of itself. And for those in my immediate world, my kind and loving words and actions will help both of us discover a better version of ourselves.
These words about love seem so simple. They are simple. It is the most positive quality we can have to discover happiness and bring peace to our corner of the world. But in bringing peace to our corner of the world through our love, we can positively influence the whole world.
I am so grateful for the many loving friends I have. Their actions and words of love are what I remember most about them. They teach me so much about love. Yesterday I asked my seven-year-old granddaughter: “Who loves you?” She said: “ God, you and my family.” The world needs your love and my love. It is the best way to live: Love one another. This means everyone. It will bring an inner peace into your life.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthec
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