Counselor's Corner: Loving attentiveness

Fred Cavaiani

 

“What the world needs now is love sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of… No, not just for some but for everyone.”  This song by Jackie DeShannon and years earlier by Dionne Warwick, is inspiring and true. Two days ago, we celebrated Mother’s Day. It is a day when we remember the attentiveness of mothers toward their children. A good mother is always attentive to the little details of a child’s life. Watching my loving wife be so attentive to our three grown children, their spouses and our seven grandchildren has always inspired me. This loving attentiveness creates powerful connections between people.

I think the secret of changing a violent world into a peaceful world is found in the love of mothers for their children. A good mom becomes aware of what her children need and then responds to those needs in an attentive manner. 

Leaders of countries, leaders of businesses, leaders of churches can often minimize the powerful impact of loving attentiveness toward other people. The history of civilization is filled with wars. Power doesn’t make things better. Power never heals. But love creates harmony. Love causes loving connections and loving actions. 

I am so inspired at how so many people are coming to the aid of Ukraine. When our hearts open up to powerlessness and pain, we become better people. The more I reach out to others in love, the more love envelopes and embraces me.

Love will overcome evil through kind actions more than making more laws for how to punish people.

Good mothers create a loving bond with their children and this loving bond is what helps a child to grow up and become a loving person. If a child does not have a loving mother or father then this child will have emotional wounds that will need to be embraced in order to heal. Once they are sincerely embraced, the possibility of living a loving and peaceful life is very attainable.

Each of us have emotional wounds. When we realize this and embrace these wounds, we then can see the times we have felt loved in our lives and treasure those times. We then can accept the limitations we may have experienced from our parents. Both my parents had severe emotional limitations, but once I accepted this I could appreciate the ways they were able to be lovingly attentive without hanging on to anger and resentments. Only in being lovingly attentive to other people will positive change take place.

It can become easy to enforce laws that force people to “do the right thing.” I think it is more important to inspire people to do the right thing. Sometimes a society can focus so much on punishments that little is done to help and inspire people to make good decisions based on love. Mother’s Day and many other days like birthdays, weddings, and anniversaries become celebrations on the value of love. 

The other day I was explaining to my granddaughter, who is 13 years old, and has a great admiration for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, that I had personally been at one of his talks many years ago. She was amazed and surprised but so inspired. This man still inspires people today with his loving approach to pride and prejudice. His impact on the world has been powerful.

When I preach to others how I think they should be, it doesn’t have much of an effect. But when I treat others with loving attentiveness by listening carefully and with kind and affirming words, I help others see good in themselves and we then establish a positive connection of love. The more positive connections of love I make, the more I positively influence the world. 

The more energy I spend on condemning other people, the less receptive I become to bringing more love into the world.  Life is really very simple but simplicity can easily be minimized. I want to simply appreciate the wisdom of loving mothers and fathers and realize those words of Jackie DeShannon and Dione Warwick:

“What the world needs now, is love sweet love

It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of

What the world needs now is love, sweet love.

It’s not just for some but for everyone.

Lord, we don’t need another mountain.

There are mountains and hillsides enough to climb.

There are oceans and rivers enough to cross.

Enough to last ‘till the end of time’.

What the world needs now is love sweet love.”

It is up to you and me to fill this world with love, sweet love. Let’s start right now.

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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.



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