I apologize in advance if this article consists of an oversharing of my personal perspective. A year ago, faced with the challenge of my first article and wondering how and where I would find inspiration and content for 10 articles, I set three rules for myself: (1) I would not be shy about sharing information about myself; (2) I would write about things that were important to me; and (3) I would write as if my readers were friends sitting across a table from me. As this is my last opportunity to write to my friends and colleagues who read LACHES, I want to give one last set of personal thoughts in the context of an old-school book review.
My favorite book also happens to be the most influential book of my adult life: “The Beggar King and the Secret of Happiness” by Joel ben Izzy. For those who may be inspired by this article to read the book, I will not delve too deeply into its contents. Simply stated, in the book, Mr. Ben Izzy weaves an autobiographical journey into a story of personal challenge, with each chapter preceded by a tale or fable from somewhere around the world. One of the tales is as follows:
Nasrudin is known as much for his wisdom as his foolishness, and many are those who have sought out his teaching.
One devotee tracked him down for many years before finding him in the marketplace sitting atop a pile of banana peels — no one knows why.
“Oh great sage, Nasrudin,” said the eager student. “I must ask you a very important question, the answer to which we all seek: What is the secret to attaining happiness?”
Nasrudin thought for a time, then responded. “The secret of happiness is good judgment.”
“Ah,” said the student. “But how do we attain good judgment?”
“From experience,” answered Nasrudin.
“Yes,” said the student. “But how do we attain experience?”
“Bad judgment.”
Making a connection between happiness and judgment seems appropriate for a group that consists mostly of lawyers. Over the years, “The Beggar King” and the message it contains has become a very important part of my life and my personal pursuit of happiness.
While I have read the book numerous times for enjoyment, most of the time, I have read “The Beggar King” during times of struggle or decision-making. Most of us have read books related to self-improvement, self-awareness, or similar topics that offer the reader balance and perspective. But in “The Beggar King,” the stories — both the folklore and the author’s personal story — are told in a uniquely entertaining, complex, simple, vague, and obvious way. This may be why the book has resonated with me and with all my friends to whom I have suggested it.
The last three times I read the book were just before writing this article, at the end of October 2020, and in August 2021.
Our whole family contracted COVID-19 at the same time at the end of October 2020. My wife had it first with symptoms and a positive test (on a Monday morning), and while we were in quarantine, she stayed in our bedroom to try to keep me and the kids from getting it. For four and a half days, I was “solo” with our kids. During that week, I conducted four virtual mediations and a hearing on a motion for preliminary injunction. At the same time, my 4-year-old daughter cut her own hair while I was in a mediation session, and my 6-year-old son killed two toilets while I was in others. The 4-year-old had a potty training “miss,” and some of the mediations went well past 6 p.m. I will never forget my feelings of helplessness and defeat (and feeling like I was in the middle of a bad sitcom) as I was snaking the second toilet with no success while knowing that we could not call a plumber because of COVID. My and the kids’ positive test results, which resulted in my wife joining the rest of us, was the best news I could have hoped for at the time.
While my wife and kids got through COVID relatively symptom free, I had breathing issues that lingered. For the first week of my symptoms, I got winded when going up the stairs, could not play with the kids, and could not breathe while lying down. This resulted in about five days of sleeplessness and anxiety, followed by a six-week recovery period that effectively ended on December 23, 2020, when I was able to do a half-mile “run.” While I was in my recovery period, I turned to “The Beggar King” to find the balance and perspective that come from remembering life’s blessings even while enduring health challenges.
In August 2021, when I was at the decision point regarding a unique opportunity to leave 20 years of private practice and become the in-house counsel for a longtime client who had become a close friend, I again read “The Beggar King” to help me maintain clarity of perspective in this process. Reading the book (a fast 206-page read) reminded me of personal principles that I implicitly believe but sometimes forget: (1) My family is the most important thing in my life; (2) I cannot control everything; and (3) there is a plan bigger than the one I set for myself. On this last point, “The Beggar King” reminds us of the Yiddish expression: “People make plans, and God laughs.”
I made the decision to leave private practice for my family and, therefore, for me. Especially since I have a 5-year-old and a 7-year-old, the next 10 years of my life are going to be extremely important, and I want to be present for as much as I can. I do not hesitate to say that I have also become disappointed in the unnecessarily combative nature of litigation — not to be confused with advocacy, which is a noble and righteous cause. I have tired from facing those who fail to recognize that surfacing and resolving problems, not creating problems, is the principal goal of litigation.
Not everyone’s priorities or perspectives align with mine, which I consider to be an important lesson in truly understanding diversity, equity, and inclusion (one of the OCBA’s priorities). However, I think we share a common bond as lawyers and people in addressing our own wellness (or lack thereof) and taking steps to achieve wellness and, from there, happiness. To that end, I am grateful to fellow director Sarah Kuchon and Mary Aretha, who took the lead in forming the OCBA’s newest committee, the Lawyers Well-Being Committee, which I think will prove to be extremely valuable to the OCBA and its members.
I am also grateful to my fellow board members, including Liz Luckenbach, who has been a great partner on both the OCBA and Oakland County Bar Foundation boards and will be a great leader of this association next year. I am grateful to Executive Director Jennifer Roosenberg and the entire OCBA staff, many of whom I have known since I first joined the OCBA and became a member of the New Lawyers Committee.
I am grateful to my wife, Caitlin, and my kids, Kian and Karina, for their support and for understanding the importance of the OCBA and the time it has required this year (including my monthly Sunday article-writing days).
To my fellow members of the OCBA, I wish you all the best in facing professional and personal challenges on your path to discovering the secret of happiness. To that end, I leave you with this final thought from one of my kids’ (and, yes, my) favorite movies, “Moana”: “There comes a day when you’re going to look around and realize happiness is where you are.”
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Kaveh Kashef is the 89th president of the Oakland County Bar Association.
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