Happiness is not the result of investing in the next moment. It seems so normal to feel that the next moment must change for me to be happy. The people in my life do not have to change for me to find peace. The right home and the right vacation will not bring happiness. We become bombarded with such negative happenings on our 24-hour news cycles. Tragedies like COVID and mass killings, tornados and hurricanes make big news. Inflation rapidly increasing gets more attention than job security and low unemployment.
I think one of the fallacies of life that we often embrace is that if things and people change, I will find happiness. Happiness only results if I change and embrace the present moment openly and consciously. When I live in this moment with an open mind and heart, I mobilize positive energy inside of me. My inner self slows down and becomes reflective. The embrace of this moment can help me stop relying on expectations and will help me find meaning in this moment.
I heard someone say that if you don't have a good day, it is your own fault. At first, I thought this was a harsh statement. But then I realized that my happiness and peace is not dependent upon what happens to me but is dependent upon what I do with this present moment. Living with a dependance upon how the future will be is not helpful. Living with an acceptance of this moment helps me find meaning and peace in this now.
If my life is continually expecting you to change or the world to change, I will become part of the problem instead of part of the solution. The more I embrace this moment with gratitude and love, I will bring something into this moment that will bring an atmosphere of peace and meaning to myself and to those around me. A close friend of mine always says: "Make it a good day. Don't leave it up to anyone else." Those are wise words. Life is all about the embrace of this moment and how I deal with this moment.
Whenever I focus on how things or people must change for me to be happy, I am making a bad investment. The best investment in life is the embrace of this present moment and how do I experience a deeper meaning.
Each moment can bring pain or it can bring joy. Happiness and depth in life are the result of how openly I embrace the pain and how openly I embrace joy. These feelings become present in the here and now. It is never helpful to invest in how things must change for me to find peace. Happiness is not the result of what will happen next. Happiness is the result of how I embrace whatever is happening right in front of me.
I can use this present moment to help make a better future. I can be working toward improving civil rights, helping prevent mass killings, feeding the poor and helpless. But I do these activities now. I do not have to depend upon the outcome to find happiness. Expecting positive outcomes is normal. But investing my energy into believing that my happiness is dependent upon future outcomes is a Fallacy of Expectation.
Happiness is experienced only in this moment. It is in this moment that that I can find meaning. The past moment is finished. The future moment may not be the way I would like it to be. But the embrace of the present moment will mobilize my heart and my mind in a positive direction.
The other day I witnessed a friend expressing her grief over the death of her father. She was so open and honest with her grief that was openly embraced that I could experience a genuine peace emoting from her. She had totally embraced this pain and so she was able to live in the present moment without past regrets or future expectations. She was totally alive and peaceful in the midst of her tears. What a profound example of living in the moment.
None of us can have absolute certainty of the next moment. But all of us can have a positive experience of the present moment when we simply embrace the moment with open heart and mind and with acceptance and awareness. Living in the embrace of reality is much healthier than living in the fallacy of expectations to make us happy.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is FredsCounselorsCorner.com.
