Have you ever tried to change someone by telling them what they have done wrong? It usually doesn't work. When we feel criticized by someone, we usually become defensive and will want to say something negative or defensive. Critical and negative remarks seldom motivate people to change and almost never help the world to make positive changes.
But people will feel motivated to make positive changes when they feel affirmed and loved. The more I show kindness to another person by a friendly hello, a positive affirmation, or a kind word, I send love and positive energy to that person.
We can change the world and we can change other people by being positive, loving and affirming. It is an amazing paradox that people can change if they are not told how they should change but are simply loved. What do you feel when someone affirms you? It helps you feel better about yourself and it motivates you to affirm and love other people.
When leaders of countries or corporations promote love and affirmation, we all become motivated to do better and look for positive solutions to problems. It is very difficult to feel motivated to do better when we are personally criticized or personally attacked by other people. Negative and critical people seem to pour out a depressing attitude into the world. Positive and loving people pour out a hopeful and loving attitude into the world.
Everyone is looking to feel affirmed and loved. We often forget this most fundamental principle of life which is present in every person from birth until death. The more I love and affirm other people, the more I will feel love and affirmation. That simple principle of "the more I give, the more I will receive" is so very true.
A couple of days ago I was at the pharmacy picking up some prescriptions for my daughter and granddaughter. There was a large man ahead of me who I thought was going to be there a long time. I gently smiled at him, said hello, and was warm and friendly. He reacted in such a positive manner and realized that he couldn't get his prescription right away and so he graciously sat down and told me to go ahead of him. I then affirmed the pharmacy tech, was warm and friendly to her, and she helped me get the prescriptions and cheerfully explained how things had gotten behind and she was sorry for the delay. All of us finished our interaction in a very loving and positive manner. I felt in a rush because I was on the way to pick up my granddaughters from Oxford High School. But instead of being impatient and crabby I was kind and loving and amazing loving interactions happened then and also as I picked up my granddaughters.
Love is what makes the world a better place. It can be so easy for each of us to say a negative remark or to embrace negative and judgmental thinking. It becomes a waste of psychological and spiritual energy and never helps us. But positive and loving affirmations and actions bring an internal freedom into our own self and into the people around us.
When I gently embrace this present moment with gratitude and look for goodness all around and for goodness in other people, I make my little corner of the world a bit of heaven filled with love. Maybe that is the purpose of our life: to make our corner of the world a bit of heaven filled with love. When I do this, I then prepare myself to be able to lovingly open that last door of life into an eternal life of love and joy. Love and Affirmation of others opens me to experience and believe in a Loving God who simply wants me to be happy and joyful forever. But love and affirmation increase my desire and ability to take this leap of Faith.
There are so many good, kind and loving people all around me and throughout the world. The more loving and affirming I am, the more I will see and experience love in each moment of life. Jackie DeShannon was correct in the song she sang years ago: "What the world needs now, is love sweet love."
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and limited licensed psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Michigan. Cavaiani is associate editor and contributing writer for Human Development Magazine. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is FredsCounselorsCorner.com.
