THE COUNSELOR'S CORNER: Returning to compassion

By Fred Cavaiani

The mid term elections are over. If your party has done well, congratulations. If your party didn't do well, you have my empathy. But right now, let us all return to compassion and healthy living.

Politics doesn't bring out the best in us. In fact, elections and campaigns and political advertisements seem to bring out the worst in people. Half- truths are made to sound like Bible verses. Absolute lies are proclaimed as absolute truths. Religion is portrayed as favoring one party. God must be in the camp of the political party that we profess. It is painful to watch religious people condemning people who see things differently. It is even more painful to seldom see people give reasons of positive principles for the reason they believe in a particular candidate or a political belief. So often the reasons given are based on condemning the other person or the other party.

The more condemning I am toward other people the more closed off I become to showing love and compassion toward others. The more insensitive I become toward others, the more closed off I become toward myself.

Now that the elections are over it would be good if we all returned to compassion and kindness toward everyone, especially toward those who might think differently than us.

Lately I have been repeating a mantra over and over to myself: "God loves me and God loves you." I believe in a God who always loves me and always loves everyone else. This mantra helps me to see the goodness and dignity of everyone else. When I stop loving, I stop living a happy and peaceful life.

It sounds very simple but if Democrats and Republicans made the consistent effort to love each other and see the goodness in each other, what a wonderful country we would have.

Now that the elections are behind us, spend time looking at the next person you see and realize that there is goodness inside that person and that the God you might believe in, also loves that person. And if you don't believe in God, believe in the power of Love.

It can be hard to think that religion is loving, when members of religious groups keep condemning those who see things differently. My love for you cannot be based on how good you are. It needs to be based on my effort to love you and see goodness in you. There is always goodness in everyone. When we can all return to compassion, we can start bringing out the best in ourselves and the best in other people.

Healthy children are consistently affirmed and loved. Keep telling a child how terrible they are and what happens to this child? He or she will begin to have low self esteem and often become angry and critical. But keep loving and affirming a child and you will discover that this child will bloom and become very caring and loving to everyone. When we have an attitude of seeing the worst in other people, we invest in negativity. When we do this, we begin to eliminate joy in our life.

In this day after the elections, let's together make the world a better place by returning to compassion. It is the road to love and peace and joy. It makes us all better and puts more trust between people, countries and nations. "Let us love one another because love comes from God." So simple, yet so difficult to embrace. It is the simple acts of love that makes the world a better place.


Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and psychotherapist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan he is also on staff at Capuchin Retreat Center in Washington, MI. His column in the Legal News runs every other week. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is:

Published: Wed, Nov 07, 2018