By Fred Cavaiani
Thanksgiving is over. Gratitude is never over. Each of us has many people and many experiences for which we can be grateful. The “attitude of gratitude” is needed in good times and painful times. We spend one day a year professing thanksgiving for many things and then we return to our daily lives. Our daily lives can often be devoid of gratitude for the many wonderful people in our lives and the many wonderful gifts of life that envelope us each day.
Gratitude is not just giving thanks for our possessions. It is gratefulness for life itself and the wonderful experiences and people that have entered our lives. On Saturday my wife and I visited a close friend who is dying of brain cancer. His peacefulness and gratitude for friends who have entered his life over the years challenged me to realize what thankfulness is really all about. This gentle man and his kind wife have lovingly influenced many people. Now as he lies in bed getting closer to departing from this life, he said to me that he is grateful for all the people that have visited him, prayed for him and sent him messages. Lying in bed dying causes a person to appreciate gratefulness in many simple ways. Steve has a wonderful “attitude of gratitude.”
Last Wednesday I visited my brother-in-law who is in a nursing home. He suffers from dementia and just had his leg amputated last month. Though he is bed-ridden, his intense personality has changed into a mild, gentle man who is grateful for a short visit and for everyone who enters his room. Another “attitude of gratitude.”
Have you ever eaten in a restaurant where you are treated with such kindness that you experience your waiter or waitress as grateful that you are eating there? This happened on Saturday night as my wife and I stopped to eat at a local restaurant after we had visited our friend. Maybe it was also our own “attitude of gratitude” for the visit we had with our friend or the fact that we could just go out and eat together. Whatever it was, our waitress certainly seemed to be filled with gratitude for our presence there.
Every morning we arise from our sleep is another day in which we can be grateful. Every person we encounter this day is an experience in which we can give thanks. Every possession we have is a gift and a treasure for which we can express gratitude.
Experience where you are at this present moment. Look at everyone and everything around you. Express internal thanks for everyone and everything you see. It is amazing what can happen. An “attitude of gratitude” changes everything. What once seemed trivial and ordinary becomes a reflection of something precious and meaningful.
When I look at all things and every person with a sense of gratitude, then all things and every person begin to have a deeper meaning in my life. A piece of paper can have a profound meaning of existence. A person who walks by me on the street suddenly takes on a profound meaning.
Gratitude for everything opens my mind and heart to new insights and deeper wisdom. It helps me to cherish what is in front of me, to appreciate what has happened to me, and to be hopeful for what might come to me in the future.
2010 has been a difficult year for all of us. Yet here we are — alive and open to what is before us. There will always be light and there will always be darkness. Both are occasions of gratitude. When I can be grateful for everything, I free myself to see things clearly and act courageously. Energy spent in condemning and criticizing the “evils” of the world inhibits us from positive actions. Energy spent in being grateful frees us up to inject “goodness” into places of ‘evil’ and ‘negativity’. When I can be grateful for the darkness in my life, it allows me to see more clearly and appreciate what I can find in the darkness that is valuable. It also allows me to appreciate the light even more. On Sunday I talked with a young woman I know, a friend of my daughter. She is about seven months pregnant and is aware that her baby will not survive outside the womb. She is in pain but is a woman of gratitude. She is open to her pregnancy and the birth of her child. She is also open to realizing the loss that will be coming. This woman is a “mulier fortis” (courageous woman). In her tears there are still smiles. To see her is to be filled with courage and hope. Ever since I have known her I have experienced her as a woman of gratitude and faith. In simple terms, she is open and appreciative of life at every moment. What a lesson of courageous gratitude I experience whenever I see her.
I have always been impressed by the men and women who work in Hospice and care for dying patients. They are among the most vibrant and alive people I know. I think I understand why. They, and their patients, have such gratitude and appreciation for each moment of life that everything becomes filled with gratitude and wisdom. An “attitude of gratitude” fills the world with wisdom and peace.
This past week I have been surrounded by people with “an attitude of gratitude”. These people all experience diminishments and struggles. Maybe the answer to what is happening in our nation in 2010 and 2011 is to have “an attitude of gratitude”. With this attitude the wisdom to find the correct answers will emerge. Thanks be to God for life.
But I need to consciously be grateful often throughout each day.
Fred Cavaiani is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
