Counselor's Corner- 'Living in the present' is the true path to freedom

By Fred Cavaiani

Legal News

Tension results from living in the next moment. Harmony results in freedom from tomorrows expectations.

Living in the present moment is to be fully alive and peaceful. Pain is not the enemy of harmony. Not embracing pain results in stress which is the enemy of harmony. It is not what happens to us in life that is the problem. It is what we do with what happens to us. Joy is to be embraced.

However, it will lead us to more unfinished business. When this pain or unfinished business is embraced it will lead us to more joy.

Expecting other people to be better so we can be happier is a wrong road to travel. It puts obstacles on our road. Loving other people without putting expectations upon them makes our road in life smooth.

The obstacles disappear. Stress results from blocking inspirations in the present moment. Tension falls upon us when we put or energy into the following moment instead of the present moment.

Have you ever been invited to a big party? You bought the right suit or perfect dress. You primed and prepped yourself to look just perfect. You preoccupied your inner mind with how you would act and whom you would meet at the party.

You spent so much energy in preparing that the party became an ordeal rather than a celebration. Your presence became a preoccupation with yourself rather than a new experience of making friends and learning from others.

Finally in the midst of the party you gave up your preoccupation with self and focused on others. Relaxation followed. A whole new experience began.

You finally begin to realize that all the preparation was really a waste of time. So much wasted energy. It was only after you gave up your preoccupation with yourself that the party began to be fun.

When we give up preoccupation with self, life begins to be fun. We discover the grandeur of the present moment.

It is in the daily moment of silences and open interaction with others that life becomes fully energizing. In reflective silence and understanding compassion that we find harmony and peace.

Listen to the present experience within you. Reflect and Love. Listen and understand. It brings freedom and wisdom.

Prepare for the party of life by living fully in the present moment.

Give up expecting the next moment to be a certain way. Give up planning on how other people should be. You can make every moment better and every person better by living totally in the present and embracing those around you as they are not as how you want them to be so you can feel better.

In this embrace of the present experience and compassionate connecting with the person in front of you, you make the world a better place. You send out a positive energy into the world that brings a sense of peace and love.

It may not be conceptualized as this but it will be felt in a very unconscious manner as something peaceful and positive. You will be giving something sacred to the present moment. Those who experience you will feel better. The world will experience a gentle breeze of peace because you are living freely in the present moment.

When we give up expectations of how things should be and bring love to how things are, the world changes for the better. This is a simple principle. It is difficult to grasp this because it is so difficult to give up wanting everything and everyone to be different.

Our preoccupation with this keeps us from really making the changes that are necessary. I need to love you and relate with you as you are without trying to change you.

Then I can see you and connect with you so you can experience my kindness and compassion. This atmosphere will create the climate for you to change. It is what we all need.

Compassionate reflection and compassionate connections are what the world needs most. I need first to do this for myself. When I do this I change and the world changes for the better.

Fred Cavaiani is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Psychologist with a private practice in Troy.

He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center.

He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan.

He can be reached at (248)362-3340. His e-mail address is: and his website is

Published: Thu, Aug 25, 2011


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