Typing Out Loud in North Carolina

prev
next

It’ll be cool 100 years from now when Google Street View has a rewind button and you can go back and look at your neighborhood a century ago.

 

Kids today may think they’re cool, but when I was a kid and looked at the moon there was a chance somebody was on it.

 

How come on movies if there’s a giant creature they never freak out when they see a human like we do when we see a bug?

 

The inventor of the Bankers Box may be the greatest pack-

aging engineer who ever lived.

 

I wonder if dogs think seals are mermaids?

 

On a short commuter flight between Fayettevills, NC and Charlotte, NC our pilot came on and said we had to turn around because we didn’t have enough fuel.  First off, who doesn’t have enough fuel for a one hour flight, second off, we were more than halfway to Charlotte so it seems like turning around was actually further.

Either way, it was discon-

certing.

 

The more people you see jogging for no reason, the higher the rent in that neighborhood.

 

If repeating the same action over and over and expecting different results is a sign of insanity, then how do you explain the phrase “Practice makes perfect?”

 

No matter how old your dog is you always say it’s a boy or a girl never a man or a woman.

 

Every day when you put on your clothes it could be the outfit you die in.

 

Somewhere out there a person probably has Pi for their social security number but they can’t brag about it or ell anyone.

 

Fifteen years ago I had an MRI; it diagnosed that I was claustrophobic.

Removing a pizza from an oven is the real life game of “Operation.”

 

Our body’s ability to heal itself is greatly underappreciated, as is a new tissue popping up to replace the tissue you just grabbed.

 

Sometimes in horror movies ghosts kill people who would then, presumably, turn into ghosts. That’s gotta be awkward.

 

Un-hyphenated is.

 

Printed by permission of the author. Email him at Lorenzatlarge@aol.com.

Get Tracy’s latest book, The Columns Vol. I, at BarnesandNoble.com or Amazon.

com, or  download it from www.fastpencil.com.