Be Ready

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By Tracy K. Lorenz

School has started in some schools (including my son’s) and once again the conga line known as “The Drop Off” continues to be clogged by people who didn’t realize their kid would be exiting the car at some point even though they’ve been creeping along in line and watching every other car stop and have a kid hop out.

It’s not that tough, when you’re like, oh, ten cars away have little Tyler put his backpack on his lap and undo his seatbelt, then, when it’s your turn have him open the door and exit the car. He’s not going off to war, there’s no need for dramatic goodbyes and hugs that you wouldn’t do if the other moms weren’t watching, all of that could be taken care of in your preflight checklist.  I saw a woman last year wait in line, her daughter gets out of the car, starts walking towards the school, and the mom stops the car, gets out, runs to her daughter, and gives her a hug. I guarantee you NONE of the drivers behind her were impressed and 90% of them would have donkey punched her if given the chance.

The drop off should be military in its precision, like paratroopers exiting a plane, GO GO GO GO, and if you forgot to tie off to the static line, well, that’s also educational.

The women (and yes, it’s always women) who cause delays in the drop off are probably the same women who…

Don’t realize they have to pay for stuff prior to hearing the total: Never in the history of Walmart has anyone not had to pay, you are not the one-millionth customer, no balloons are going to drop. As soon as that last can of Pringles hits the conveyor belt you should be whipping out that debit card like Wyatt Earp.

Feel the need to ask a multitude of questions to the counter girl at the Secretary of State’s office: You’ve been sitting there for an hour, you’re surrounded by brochures, you can hear conversations at the counter, and you have wifi access. And you’re 57 years old, you’ve been here before, there’s no need to ask if you need proof of insurance to get your new plate tabs. People who are unprepared should have an automatic one year license suspension, if you can’t figure out how to transfer plates you certainly aren’t capable of navigating a four-way stop.

Ordering Fast Food:  It’s hard to believe you’ve never been to McDonald’s before and going by the size of your kid I think he knows his way around a Happy Meal.  Plus you’ve been waiting in line for five minutes, the words “Can I help you?” should not be your trigger to glance up at the menu.  

The AT&T Store: For the love of God, you’re not discussing gastric bypass options with your surgeon, you’re just choosing a phone plan, none of which work in your favor.  Just pick a plan and scoot.

Printed by permission of the author. Email him at Lorenzatlarge@aol.com.

Get Tracy’s latest book at BarnesandNoble.com or Amazon.com, or  download it from www.fastpencil.com.

Only $3.99, cheap.

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