Tracy K. Lorenz

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Typing Out Loud so I Can Make My Son’s Game at 5:00

Deaf people using sign language communicate at the speed of light while the rest of us communicate at the speed of sound.

Missing a step going up a set of stairs is both lazy and extra work at the same time.

Every disaster movie starts with authorities ignoring scientists.

I can’t imagine how women with long nails can type.

In 40 years nursing homes will have old video games instead of puzzles and Scrabble.

The national murder rate is 5.1 out of every 100,000 people. So if you go to a game at Michigan Stadium odds are there are 5 murderers in the crowd.

Youth soccer is basically a sorority for the moms.

Why don’t we just throw all our trash into the Bermuda Triangle?

It’s odd that “The Discovery Channel” is named “The Discovery Channel” because they never actually discover anything.

If the Discovery Channel ever did discover something (Oak Island Gold, Bigfoot, Hackley’s Millions) we’d probably all know about it way before the show ever aired anyways.

I wonder how many “Buy Local” signs are made in China?

Having your child reach an age where they no longer want to watch kids cartoons is a landmark moment in any life. We had good cartoons. The stuff on now is pure left-wing crap and are never, ever, ever funny.

The number of oldest siblings and youngest siblings in the world is exactly the same.

Your bottom is actually in your middle.

The night sky is full of sunshine, it’s just not our sun.

Antarctica is a continent completely composed of water.

If you played Jenga in space no one would ever lose.

School bus designs have remained relatively unchanged for my entire life.
The menu at Taco Bell is a lot like humanity. The items may look different but it’s really all the same thing.

Printed by permission of the author. Email him at Lorenzat large@aol.com.

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