Tracy K. Lorenz ...


Typing Out Loud

If you were born and came out feet first, for one brief moment you’d be wearing your mom as a hat.

All homeless people are technically roommates.

There is an entire generation that has no idea why we say “Pick up the phone,”

Airports are full of air from other countries.

If you put an “er” on the end of the word “short” it becomes both shorter and longer.

I’ve tried to watch an NBA Playoff game and it reminded me why I don’t watch the regular season.  It’s an endless series of missed three-pointers and foul shots, there’s absolutely no flow to the game.

If you’re standing at sea level most dead people are buried above you.

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they make macaroni and cheese.  But you can tell a lot more about a person by the way they judge someone based on an arbitrary skill.

Michigan’s Adventure can get a clear, full color, picture of you going 80 MPH, but a bank can't get a clear picture of a robber standing perfectly still.

You can’t outrun anyone in a dream because the person chasing you is also you and knows where you’re going.

Almost all of our pets were forcibly taken from their parents.

Our stomachs have always been set on vibrate when we’re hungry.

Someone born on 6/6/6 is 13 today.

The loud plastic wheels on your garbage bin are so you can remind your neighbors it’s garbage night.

If there are space vampires waiting to attack the earth we’d never know because telescopes have mirrors.

How did Peter Piper pick pickles?  He’d have to have picked cucumbers.

All of us are time travelers, traveling at one second per second.

 Wonder how many people with tattoos refuse to put a sticker on their can because it looks trashy?

Horror and terror have similar meanings but horrific and terrific are way different.

No one has ever stood in an empty room.

Printed by permission of the author. Email him at Lorenzat
Get Tracy’s latest book at or, or  download it from
Only $3.99, cheap.