By Michelle St. Germain
The holidays bring a lot of stress with them. I could come up with a long list of things I need to do between now and January 1, and I am sure that you can too. There is gift shopping, gift wrapping, and holiday parties at work, with friends, with family, and with people you don’t really care about but for some miscellaneous reason feel obligated to attend. Oh, and you need gifts for those parties too. I’ve also noticed that most of my friends are of that age where they are having their first or second child – with a newborn and virtually no consistent sleep, I am in awe of their ability to make it through the hectic holidays. Oh, and you need gifts for the birthing too.
On top of all that hubbub, it always seems like age-old disputes between family members come to the surface. Right now is just the perfect time for Aunt Linda and Uncle Jack to bicker about something and then refuse to be under the same roof for the holidays, doubling the number of usual holiday complications. For some reason, it seems like the drama comes back to you. These are stresses that everyone feels around the holidays. (Sometimes there is joy mixed in as well, but this article is about the depressing obstacles of life.)
Luckily, however, when things around you are crumbling, stumbling, or just plain numbing, there is always the legal profession. When things around you go to hell, if you have a lawyer, you can always call her up and blame her – or so it seems.
It might just be my perspective, but it does seem that lawyers shoulder additional stress during the holidays on top of their sometimes already extremely stressful careers. This time of year, even the career stress can include third-hand holiday stress from the client. (I’ve heard of some particularly unfortunate disputes involving Child Services around the holidays.) Of course, it could be our own fault. Lawyers, even on holidays or vacation, rarely stop working. The phrase, “Let’s hold off on this until Monday,” is not in a lawyer’s vocabulary. I went out to dinner last night with an old friend who is also a lawyer and she lamented that she needed to go home and get back to work that night. I asked her if it could wait until the morning, and I knew the answer before she even gave it to me. At least she was able to break away to eat – our other lawyer-friend wasn’t able to make it to dinner at all due to work obstacles.
Another lawyer I know said recently, “If someone had sat me down and explained what working in a firm was really like, I might have opted for something less stressful, like neurosurgery or air traffic controller.” I am quite certain that she is not alone in that sentiment. Work can rule a lawyer’s life. No matter where a lawyer is, the smartphone is always on, and she probably has developed a twitchy need to constantly check it for new e-mail, texts, Twitter updates – you know, legal-related tweets. How often does a lawyer wake up in the middle of the night worrying about his cases or clients? Even when lawyers are sleeping, they are working. They say the law is a jealous mistress, but I think the law is the spouse, with home being the jealous mistress/gigolo for a lot of lawyers.
Of course, this brings us back to the subject of gift buying, gift wrapping and gift giving. I may be biased, but I think lawyers should get a little extra this year. Thus, if you are clamoring for what to get that lawyer in your life, think big. If that’s not specific enough for you, here are some of my ideas:
1. A bottle of whiskey. Good quality whiskey. – A large bottle.
2. A little time cleared off your own calendar to drink the whiskey after lawyer friend’s trial is over. (Bring your own bottle.)
3. Ambien. The fact that it sounds like “amen” is not just a coincidence.
4. A name plate engraved with the word “Gunner.” I can imagine several different uses for this.
5. A subscription to this paper, so they can read under analysis.
6. A book of derogatory lawyer jokes, with your rebuttals in the margins.
7. A respite from pointless legal advice (i.e., the kind that is unpaid and totally hypothetical).
8. Stop joking about all the coal your lawyer friend is going to get this year. It has gotten old.
9. A cloning device or hologram device, thereby allowing attendance in more than one courtroom, office, or deposition at one time.
And, if none of these seem appropriate, just don’t forget to give the lawyers in your life a simple card. The bottom line is that a card and a “thank you for all you do” is sometimes the best thing you can do.
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Under Analysis is a nationally syndicated column. Michelle St. Germain practices law in St. Louis, Missouri. You may direct comments or criticisms about this column to the Levison Group c/o this newspaper, or direct to the Levison Group via e-mail, at comments@levisongroup.com.
© 2010 Under Analysis L.L.C.
