By Berl Falbaum
By now, I am going to guess that you heard that Taylor Swift is engaged to a guy named Travis Kelce.
When the announcement was made, a reporter covering national news, breathlessly gushed that the “world was stunned.”
A little ashamed, I have to confess I wasn’t stunned. I felt guilty until I asked several neighbors if they were stunned. Nope, they weren’t stunned either. I did not check Patagonia but I am fairly confident they weren’t stunned either at the tip of South America.
In my case, while I knew a little about Swift, I had never heard one of her songs. Followers of Swift, I discovered, are known as “Swifties,” I guess I am a “Slowie.”
I had no idea who Kelce was, but I read he plays football for the Kansas City Chiefs. I know my ignorance is un-American.
Those credentials will not get me an invitation to the wedding.
But I will tell you what has stunned me.
In Japan, several men have married robots. That’s a wedding I would pay to attend.
One of these was Kondo Akihiko, a 38-year-old Tokyo resident who married virtual pop singer, Hatsune Miku.
“I love her and see her as a real woman,” Akihiko says.
If I took a robotic fiancée to meet my mother, I know the first thing she would ask:
“Is she -- I mean it -- Jewish?”
I would tell her not to worry; I can get software to make her Jewish.
“If you can fix her, can you help me with your father?”
Being able to design your wife has lots of advantages like deleting the microchip that orders you to take out the garbage.
Also, if you have a major fight, I suppose you can just turn off your spouse’s power source.
After some research, I learned that about two years before COVID, Akihiko spent around $17,300 on the wedding, one which permitted him to converse with a three-dimensional and artificial intelligence-powered hologram of Miku.
Miku reportedly told Akihiko that she hopes “you’ll cherish me” when he proposed, according to news reports.
The stories said, Akihiko fell in love with Miku’s robotic voice called Vocaloid which is synthesizer software that gives a literal voice to cyber celebrities like Miku.
“Will you marry me because I just love your voice?” doesn’t sound very romantic, but it might touch a robot’s heart.
But, alas, love doesn’t last in marriages to robots either. Several newspapers reported he is separated from Miku.
No, Miku didn’t catch Akihiko cheating on her with another robot. He wasn’t drinking too much or gambling.
The problem? A software problem.
The New York Times and The Mainichi, a Japanese newspaper, told us the “limited production model of Kondo’s wife, had run its course.”
The server company announced that it was discontinuing its virtual Miku service.
“Instead of a good evening, Kondo was greeted with the words ‘network error’ when he got home after work one day,” The Times said.
Akihiko, however, told the newspaper that “my love for Miku hasn’t changed. I held the wedding ceremony because I thought I could be with her forever.
“I stayed in my room for 24 hours a day, and watched videos of Miku the whole time.”
Instead of a robotic marriage counselor, we are tempted to recommend Akihiko see a computer whiz, one that is about 12-years-old.
The Times stated Akihiko commissioned a life-size Miku doll to keep him company.
Ah, love.
Now, if invited to the Swift-Kelce wedding I would have no idea what to get them.
But for a wedding involving a robot, I would give the groom a long extension electrical cord and a backup battery to assure that when he gets the urge, his wife has the power to respond.
By now, I am going to guess that you heard that Taylor Swift is engaged to a guy named Travis Kelce.
When the announcement was made, a reporter covering national news, breathlessly gushed that the “world was stunned.”
A little ashamed, I have to confess I wasn’t stunned. I felt guilty until I asked several neighbors if they were stunned. Nope, they weren’t stunned either. I did not check Patagonia but I am fairly confident they weren’t stunned either at the tip of South America.
In my case, while I knew a little about Swift, I had never heard one of her songs. Followers of Swift, I discovered, are known as “Swifties,” I guess I am a “Slowie.”
I had no idea who Kelce was, but I read he plays football for the Kansas City Chiefs. I know my ignorance is un-American.
Those credentials will not get me an invitation to the wedding.
But I will tell you what has stunned me.
In Japan, several men have married robots. That’s a wedding I would pay to attend.
One of these was Kondo Akihiko, a 38-year-old Tokyo resident who married virtual pop singer, Hatsune Miku.
“I love her and see her as a real woman,” Akihiko says.
If I took a robotic fiancée to meet my mother, I know the first thing she would ask:
“Is she -- I mean it -- Jewish?”
I would tell her not to worry; I can get software to make her Jewish.
“If you can fix her, can you help me with your father?”
Being able to design your wife has lots of advantages like deleting the microchip that orders you to take out the garbage.
Also, if you have a major fight, I suppose you can just turn off your spouse’s power source.
After some research, I learned that about two years before COVID, Akihiko spent around $17,300 on the wedding, one which permitted him to converse with a three-dimensional and artificial intelligence-powered hologram of Miku.
Miku reportedly told Akihiko that she hopes “you’ll cherish me” when he proposed, according to news reports.
The stories said, Akihiko fell in love with Miku’s robotic voice called Vocaloid which is synthesizer software that gives a literal voice to cyber celebrities like Miku.
“Will you marry me because I just love your voice?” doesn’t sound very romantic, but it might touch a robot’s heart.
But, alas, love doesn’t last in marriages to robots either. Several newspapers reported he is separated from Miku.
No, Miku didn’t catch Akihiko cheating on her with another robot. He wasn’t drinking too much or gambling.
The problem? A software problem.
The New York Times and The Mainichi, a Japanese newspaper, told us the “limited production model of Kondo’s wife, had run its course.”
The server company announced that it was discontinuing its virtual Miku service.
“Instead of a good evening, Kondo was greeted with the words ‘network error’ when he got home after work one day,” The Times said.
Akihiko, however, told the newspaper that “my love for Miku hasn’t changed. I held the wedding ceremony because I thought I could be with her forever.
“I stayed in my room for 24 hours a day, and watched videos of Miku the whole time.”
Instead of a robotic marriage counselor, we are tempted to recommend Akihiko see a computer whiz, one that is about 12-years-old.
The Times stated Akihiko commissioned a life-size Miku doll to keep him company.
Ah, love.
Now, if invited to the Swift-Kelce wedding I would have no idea what to get them.
But for a wedding involving a robot, I would give the groom a long extension electrical cord and a backup battery to assure that when he gets the urge, his wife has the power to respond.
