Sarah Kuchon
Practicing law is demanding — long hours, unforgiving deadlines, and high stakes. Most lawyers expect those pressures as part of the calling. Conflict is also inherent to the work.
However, incivility and unprofessionalism should not be. Such conduct adds a weight that should never be part of the job. We understand that disagreement and advocacy are part of the profession, but what should be professional disagreements too often become personal attacks, and what should be intentional advocacy can become performative. As professionals, we must reconsider what zeal in advocacy actually requires.
It is easier to see incivility in someone else’s conduct, but the only behavior lawyers can control is their own. Culture shifts one lawyer at a time, through the thousands of choices we make and how we show up in our professional work each day. Have you ever walked out of a conversation wishing for a do-over?
Perhaps it was a curt reply, an email sent too quickly, or a defensive explanation. These moments remind us that incivility and unprofessionalism can be subtle and unintentional, shaped by pressure more than malice. One of my favorite quotes is from psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, who wrote,
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Frankl reminds us that there will always be events that trigger us. Our power lies in pausing and considering our choice: Will we react impulsively or respond with reflection and intention? This practice, repeated one lawyer and one moment at a time, is how our profession grows in civility and professionalism.
Reaction vs. Response
A critical difference exists between reaction and response. A reaction is immediate and driven by the nervous system’s urge to reduce tension. Reaction narrows options and can escalate conflict. A response, on the other hand, includes a pause for reflection and consideration of objectives, tone, and long-term consequences. Response widens options and better serves the client’s interests.
The “space” Frankl describes is what psychology calls “the window of tolerance,” a framework developed by psychiatrist Daniel Siegel that describes our capacity to pause, think clearly, regulate emotions, and act in alignment with our values. Outside of that window, we move into fight, flight, or shutdown, and our response yields to our survival reflex. Legal practice routinely pushes lawyers to the edges of that window with contentious hearings, demanding clients, and relentless deadlines. Without awareness, reaction can become our default.
Correcting a Misconception
The phrase “zealous advocacy” has taken on a life of its own in legal culture. Many lawyers have come to hear “zeal” as permission for aggression, hostility, or winning at any cost, often at the expense of civility and professionalism. However, the Michigan Rules of Professional Conduct never use the term “zealous advocate.” The comment to Rule 1.3 on diligence states only that a lawyer should act “with commitment and dedication to the interests of the client and with zeal in advocacy on the client’s behalf.”
Zeal, by ordinary definition, means eagerness and enthusiastic interest in pursuit of a cause. Advocacy is the act of supporting a cause. Considered together, zealous advocacy is simply the enthusiastic pursuit of a client’s cause. That pursuit exists within the framework of ethics and professionalism. Within that framework, civility is not a courtesy but a professional discipline, and ethics calls us to to choose intention over impulsiveness. When zeal is misunderstood as aggression rather than enthusiasm, self-interest can replace client interest. That posture is not advocacy. It is reaction misnamed as zeal.
A pause does not betray diligence. It protects it by preventing errors, aligning action with client objectives, ensuring competent representation, and promoting thoughtful execution. As lawyers, our ethics are guided by the Michigan Rules of Professional Conduct, which encompass core principles such as competence, diligence, candor, and fairness.
These duties require professional judgment. A pause supports that judgment by creating space to consider obligations, options, and consequences and to notice whether we are serving the client’s interests or protecting our own comfort and image. The standard in our rules is reasonable promptness, not immediacy, and certainly not impulsive promptness. The canon implies deliberation. Incivility and unprofessional conduct often grow from reactivity rather than reflection. The pause helps us meet our ethical obligations. The challenge is learning how to widen the space when pressure narrows it.
Widening Our Window
Creating space is a practical skill. We widen our window of tolerance through ongoing awareness, reflection, and practice. We can practice in small, ordinary ways: delaying an email rather than pressing send in the heat of the moment, pausing to ask whether our conduct serves the client’s interests, using a brief recess to allow emotions to settle before proceeding, and, when all else fails, pausing to breathe. Slow, steady breathing signals safety to the nervous system, calming the stress response and allowing the thinking parts of the brain to come back online. One effective breathing technique to try is box breathing: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold again for four, like tracing the four sides of a box. Even 30 seconds of intentional breathing can change the course of an interaction.
Practicing True Zeal
Leadership in law is rarely dramatic. More often, it looks like steadiness in ordinary moments. It is the discipline to remain calm when provoked, the resolve to do what is right rather than what is easy, and the wisdom to know when to speak and when to remain silent.
Lawyers shape the tone of litigation, courtrooms, and negotiations through their conduct. That influence calls us to be pillars of the profession, leaders who bring enthusiasm to their work while meeting pressure with professionalism, fortitude, and response over reaction. This form of leadership models true zeal in advocacy.
Harper Lee’s character Atticus Finch in “To Kill a Mockingbird exemplifies zealous advocacy in action. When he sits outside the jail to protect his client, he is calm, collected, and unwavering in the face of threats. His courage is not theatrical; it is regulated and principled. The jail scene is only one of many moments in which Atticus demonstrates zealous advocacy — from his careful preparation to his respectful engagement — and unwavering fidelity to the rule of law. His conduct demonstrates what zeal in advocacy rightly means: advocacy anchored in enthusiasm, civility, and professionalism.
When we choose response over reaction, we show colleagues, clients, and young lawyers that zealous advocacy is not loud, hostile, or aggressive. We model that strength can be calm, that professionalism can be firm without being harsh, and that passion for a client’s cause can coexist with respect for everyone involved. Our profession needs more people like Atticus Finch, advocates who prove day after day that true zeal is deliberate, principled, and humane.
———————————
Sarah E. Kuchon, of Hohauser Kuchon, is the 93rd president of the Oakland County Bar Association.
However, incivility and unprofessionalism should not be. Such conduct adds a weight that should never be part of the job. We understand that disagreement and advocacy are part of the profession, but what should be professional disagreements too often become personal attacks, and what should be intentional advocacy can become performative. As professionals, we must reconsider what zeal in advocacy actually requires.
It is easier to see incivility in someone else’s conduct, but the only behavior lawyers can control is their own. Culture shifts one lawyer at a time, through the thousands of choices we make and how we show up in our professional work each day. Have you ever walked out of a conversation wishing for a do-over?
Perhaps it was a curt reply, an email sent too quickly, or a defensive explanation. These moments remind us that incivility and unprofessionalism can be subtle and unintentional, shaped by pressure more than malice. One of my favorite quotes is from psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, who wrote,
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Frankl reminds us that there will always be events that trigger us. Our power lies in pausing and considering our choice: Will we react impulsively or respond with reflection and intention? This practice, repeated one lawyer and one moment at a time, is how our profession grows in civility and professionalism.
Reaction vs. Response
A critical difference exists between reaction and response. A reaction is immediate and driven by the nervous system’s urge to reduce tension. Reaction narrows options and can escalate conflict. A response, on the other hand, includes a pause for reflection and consideration of objectives, tone, and long-term consequences. Response widens options and better serves the client’s interests.
The “space” Frankl describes is what psychology calls “the window of tolerance,” a framework developed by psychiatrist Daniel Siegel that describes our capacity to pause, think clearly, regulate emotions, and act in alignment with our values. Outside of that window, we move into fight, flight, or shutdown, and our response yields to our survival reflex. Legal practice routinely pushes lawyers to the edges of that window with contentious hearings, demanding clients, and relentless deadlines. Without awareness, reaction can become our default.
Correcting a Misconception
The phrase “zealous advocacy” has taken on a life of its own in legal culture. Many lawyers have come to hear “zeal” as permission for aggression, hostility, or winning at any cost, often at the expense of civility and professionalism. However, the Michigan Rules of Professional Conduct never use the term “zealous advocate.” The comment to Rule 1.3 on diligence states only that a lawyer should act “with commitment and dedication to the interests of the client and with zeal in advocacy on the client’s behalf.”
Zeal, by ordinary definition, means eagerness and enthusiastic interest in pursuit of a cause. Advocacy is the act of supporting a cause. Considered together, zealous advocacy is simply the enthusiastic pursuit of a client’s cause. That pursuit exists within the framework of ethics and professionalism. Within that framework, civility is not a courtesy but a professional discipline, and ethics calls us to to choose intention over impulsiveness. When zeal is misunderstood as aggression rather than enthusiasm, self-interest can replace client interest. That posture is not advocacy. It is reaction misnamed as zeal.
A pause does not betray diligence. It protects it by preventing errors, aligning action with client objectives, ensuring competent representation, and promoting thoughtful execution. As lawyers, our ethics are guided by the Michigan Rules of Professional Conduct, which encompass core principles such as competence, diligence, candor, and fairness.
These duties require professional judgment. A pause supports that judgment by creating space to consider obligations, options, and consequences and to notice whether we are serving the client’s interests or protecting our own comfort and image. The standard in our rules is reasonable promptness, not immediacy, and certainly not impulsive promptness. The canon implies deliberation. Incivility and unprofessional conduct often grow from reactivity rather than reflection. The pause helps us meet our ethical obligations. The challenge is learning how to widen the space when pressure narrows it.
Widening Our Window
Creating space is a practical skill. We widen our window of tolerance through ongoing awareness, reflection, and practice. We can practice in small, ordinary ways: delaying an email rather than pressing send in the heat of the moment, pausing to ask whether our conduct serves the client’s interests, using a brief recess to allow emotions to settle before proceeding, and, when all else fails, pausing to breathe. Slow, steady breathing signals safety to the nervous system, calming the stress response and allowing the thinking parts of the brain to come back online. One effective breathing technique to try is box breathing: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold again for four, like tracing the four sides of a box. Even 30 seconds of intentional breathing can change the course of an interaction.
Practicing True Zeal
Leadership in law is rarely dramatic. More often, it looks like steadiness in ordinary moments. It is the discipline to remain calm when provoked, the resolve to do what is right rather than what is easy, and the wisdom to know when to speak and when to remain silent.
Lawyers shape the tone of litigation, courtrooms, and negotiations through their conduct. That influence calls us to be pillars of the profession, leaders who bring enthusiasm to their work while meeting pressure with professionalism, fortitude, and response over reaction. This form of leadership models true zeal in advocacy.
Harper Lee’s character Atticus Finch in “To Kill a Mockingbird exemplifies zealous advocacy in action. When he sits outside the jail to protect his client, he is calm, collected, and unwavering in the face of threats. His courage is not theatrical; it is regulated and principled. The jail scene is only one of many moments in which Atticus demonstrates zealous advocacy — from his careful preparation to his respectful engagement — and unwavering fidelity to the rule of law. His conduct demonstrates what zeal in advocacy rightly means: advocacy anchored in enthusiasm, civility, and professionalism.
When we choose response over reaction, we show colleagues, clients, and young lawyers that zealous advocacy is not loud, hostile, or aggressive. We model that strength can be calm, that professionalism can be firm without being harsh, and that passion for a client’s cause can coexist with respect for everyone involved. Our profession needs more people like Atticus Finch, advocates who prove day after day that true zeal is deliberate, principled, and humane.
———————————
Sarah E. Kuchon, of Hohauser Kuchon, is the 93rd president of the Oakland County Bar Association.
