Fred Cavaiani
Everyone desires happiness. The biggest fallacy in life is to think that happiness will come from another person and to believe that if I am in love with someone I will find happiness. Another fallacy is to think that happiness will come from a very comfortable, financial life. Happiness is not the result of how much I may possess or how loved I might feel from other people’s respect and praise. Happiness and peace are not the result of how other people treat me or how the external world treats me. Happiness is the result of how well I treat other people and how well I embrace and experience this present moment. This is such a simple thought, but it is so very accurate.
It is easy to believe that if I have a lot of money, I will be happy. It is also very easy to believe that if the right person loves me, I will be happy.
A happy and joyful life is not dependent upon other people or upon what might happen to me. Happiness and joyfulness are dependent only on how well I live in this present moment.
As I look over my life, I am having many realizations of the qualities of genuinely happy people. I am realizing that happy people simply embrace life. They do not complain about what happens to them. They simply deal with whatever might come their way. Happy people seem to be always loving and caring toward others. I seldom see a happy person criticizing or complaining about how the world might be. I discover that happy people simply remain loving and positive in the present moment and look for goodness in everyone and everything.
When I focus on regrets from the past or worry about tomorrow, I am wasting spiritual and emotional energy. I simply need to pay attention to the present moment so that the journey is safe and loving. Imagine driving while looking at your cell phone. It becomes a dangerous distraction. The journey of driving safely becomes ignored.
The journey of positive awareness of the present moment becomes a journey which opens our heart and mind to God and to a genuine loving connection with others.
I must never invest in how other people should act or how other people should be. I must only invest in how I can show kindness and love to other people. Such a simple thought.
I have discovered that when I spend a lot of time in daily prayer and meditation I experience an inner peace and wisdom. Kind and loving people seem to be comfortable with taking quiet time spent in experiencing God.
When I was studying theology, I remember my homiletics professor very well. He was always loving and affirming. And now even in his mid-90’s he is still very caring, positive and affirming toward all. His mind is sharp because his heart is good and kind.
There are many loving, kind and good people in this world. I must have a positive viewpoint and look for this goodness and kindness by always being kind and loving toward others.
Each of us have known and experienced loving and positive people in our life who influence us profoundly. Loving actions toward others is much more powerful than attempting to convince others to think they way we think. Show me how kind you are and I will want to be in your presence.
I have one sibling. My younger brother, Ralph, is a very successful man. His caring and kind attitude toward everyone has always inspired me. He has been a blessing to me and many others his whole life. He and his wife have been married for over fifty years and continue to create an atmosphere of love to anyone in their presence.
The experience of love becomes present when we look for it. I am always inspired by how well my wife connects with our three adult children, spouses and grandchildren. She shows such love by paying close attention to each person.
Yes, happiness is found in the present moment only. This is where God is experienced. The present moment when filled with a loving and positive attitude helps us to find goodness everywhere – in everything and in everyone.
It is not difficult to be happy if I stay loving and reflective in this present moment. I must be reflective. I must be loving and kind. Then all of life becomes a stepping stone to a more profound experience of God, love, self and others.
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Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage counselor and psychologist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeast Michigan. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: Fredcavi@yahoo.com and his website is fredthecounselor.com.
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