THE COUNSELOR'S CORNER: The freedom that comes from love

By Fred Cavaiani

Happiness doesn't come from what we get. It comes from what we give. When a person loves someone for their sake and not for what they will receive from that person, the focus of selfishness begins to disappear. The heart opens up. The head sees things as positive. The spiritual part of a person opens up to God. The emotional part of a person lets go of resentments and negativity. The whole psyche of a person begins to look at life in a positive manner.

Remember the last time you kept loving another person even though they may have failed you in some way. You stayed peaceful, hopeful and optimistic. Remember the last time you held on to resentment or a hurt because someone didn't respond to your requests or failed to come up to your expectations. You most likely found yourself in a negative attitude toward everything.

People who look at the world with a negative attitude become angry, resentful and judgmental toward anyone who disagrees with them or sees things in a different way. Angry people cannot be objective because they can only see the negative around them. Negative people look for an authority to justify their negativity. Negative people consistently find the problem to be outside of themselves, never within themselves.

Love brings freedom. Love which means being kind and compassionate toward others at all times without doing it to get something back, will always bring a sense of openness to life. Show me a loving, compassionate person and you will see a person who has experienced God in a profound, spiritual and loving manner. Show me a critical, condemning and judgmental person and you will see a person who sees God as a judgmental authoritarian tyrant.

To discover peace in life can be very easy if we realize the power of loving unconditionally. To discover misery in life is quite painful when we do not take the risk of loving everyone even if they may not show love toward us.

Quiet, meditative people often are pushed into a lifestyle of loving without counting the cost. Their silent reflections cause them to experience a loving God without defining this God in some autocratic, authoritarian manner.

Give me a judge with compassion. Show me an attorney with a caring heart. Look at a person with tender concern for their family. Experience a parent with patient and loving affirmation toward their children. You will see a happy person.

We damage our bodies when we stay angry and resentful. At the same time we give our bodies a tender physiological oasis when we reach out in loving words and actions to everyone. Emotionally we will experience a lessening of tension in our lives when we have an attitude of love and gratitude.

More than ever our culture needs compassionate and loving men and women who do not get caught up in the negativity of politics, judgmental religion, and emotionally bullying people. This means being positive in words, in text messages, on Facebook, on Twitter, email and in the relationships we have with people who are the closest to us and are the most distant from us. There should never be a person who is outside of our love.

This is a simple concept but it works every time you activate it. The next time someone disappoints you, let it go and be loving and kind. Then if a time comes when you really need to say something to this person you will say it in the right way. Most of the time you won't have to say it because when you love you begin to realize that there are many things that are so small and irrelevant to become upset about. Love clears our heads and opens our hearts to experience life in a positive, meaningful and joyful manner. When you are sad or upset, just love more and spend more time in reflective quiet with God. You will discover a joy and peace that will never leave you. Love will always bring out the best in you and quite often it brings out the best in those around you.


Fred Cavaiani is a licensed marriage & family therapist and psychotherapist with a private practice in Troy. He is the founder of Marriage Growth Center, a consultant for the Detroit Medical Center, and Henry Ford Medical Center. He conducts numerous programs for groups throughout Southeastern Michigan he is also on staff at Capuchin Retreat Center in Washington, MI. His column in the Legal News runs every other Tuesday. He can be reached at 248-362-3340. His e-mail address is: and his website is

Published: Tue, Aug 23, 2016